Sunday, April 10, 2011

Life so far

I've been listening to 3 doors down- here by me in replay for an hour now. I can't sleep. there is something in my head. I just can't close my eyes tonight. look at the time, it is 4.05am as I am typing this new entry. I can't seems to know why life is this hard. I know I am to young to say that, but really. I can't stand it. Here in Lendu, I've learn a lot about life. I know now. What have I learn? I wanted to share with you guys, but is it the right thing to do? I don't want people to judge me. what I've wrote here, in the blog is not for people to read, but it's for me. It's a place where I can pour my heart out since there is no one I can share. Nobody understand what I feel inside. That is why I wrote here. The only place where I know, will always be there for me. Sad much huh? I know. I'm not that person who have alot of people around her, that cared for her. I'm not that girl. Well I know that everything has its own ending. Happy ones, sad ones. How could I express my feelings here now, because I am in the state of confused. I can't think straight. Yes, thanks to you people out there, which are born with no heart and feelings. Maybe I am emotional but at least I know I am not hypocrite like you people out there. Things just get out of hand right now. Classmates, I really think there is enough drama for this semester. Like please, I had enough. Enough with your lies, backstabbing and so many negative things you people been doing. And you my love, I really tried and I failed so many times. maybe this is it. I can't change you no matter how hard I want you to. I've been crying all night just to make this heart feel better in the morning. But again I am so stupid. I hurt myself more. enough with all this. You are happy this way, then I'll leave. I'm not so strong inside, but I'll try. I need some peace now. wish me luck. I pray to Allah, help me in this one please. I'm not that strong. This is the 10++ times the same song is playing. I must be out of my mind right now. still I can't sleep. Gonna take my meds now. owh, I'm sick. fever and cough since 3 weeks ago and getting worst everyday. I hate meds and sickness. just please enough already, I am already this weak and still 'you' making me even sicker. -.-''

ps: don't mind what I wrote. I drank 2 glass of nescafe just now. Got headache.

2 comments:

Bozu said...

be strong, dear..

Anonymous said...

everything happens for a reason. you have to face it dahlia. :)